day twelve ( i can't lose heart this soon)

starting to get really frustrated about not being able to do things for myself. REALLY frustrated. to the point where i don't feel like doing anything anymore. having to ask for a ball of yarn that fell off my bed hardly seems like a reason to call a nurse. i don't like having to ask for new clothes, or the bedpanofdoom. i'm an independent person, and i feel totally helpless laying in bed all day. ok this time i can't blame the tearing up on "my eyes are watering all the time" dammit, i hate this feeling, already already already? jesus i have ten weeks left. some days there is a lot going on and i don't notice. but after people leave and i can't have visitors and it gets too quiet, it gets really lonely. i try to use it to get something done, i just can't concentrate on anything, and i never get anything done. i can't even stay listening to the same song for more than a minute or two.

rough start to a weekend? i really just want to get up and go out and do stupid shit like i always do. go to lame parties and be semi-social and see people. i miss people. i can only read so much, i can only spend so much time online. talking to people online only goes so far. i need to see real people. after about 8pm i see almost no one.


i can't lose heart this soon. i still have 10 weeks left. but a little part of me is screaming "what the HELL are you doing? get out of bed!" it's stomping around and making a scene in my brain, and this is all i can do to keep it at bay.


ok here's to frustration and young kids volunteering for shit without really thinking it through.

oops.