12 March 2006i just startled myself out of an almost asleep weird dream phase with the thought of "this is my normal life. i haven't been out of bed in nearly three weeks, and that is perfectly normal for me. why don't more people do this? why is it such a big deal?" et cetera, ad nauseum.
i dont' know why this affected me so much. but it did, it's like, quarter after midnight and i'm wide awake all over again. like it really just SUNK IN that this is just how it's going to be. my mind is whirling around, set in motion by gear tooth epiphanies. i finally hit third gear. will this make it easier to get going in the morning? easier to get things started? who knows.
conversely, i'm still experiencing the dreamstate confusion of "is this real? this can't really be real, so when am i waking up out of this? and where on earth might i be when i do wake up? hey! HEY! wake up! c'mon, get out of bed! are you sick? are you dying? why are you still in bed?!"
so, in turn (always turning, vertigo tinged indigo in the dark near-black around this neonwhite screen) i am in circles, in wonderment of my own imagination's wandering, and the ability/agility to see both sides simultaneously, (awake=asleep and never sure which one is pastpresentfuture & viceviceversa thankyou.) following figure eights and snakes like hounds on their own tails.
why always so late that the gears drop into place?!?
every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.
does this apply to thought processes as well? what external force could be applied to this? sleeping pills, of course, but by now it's too late to ask for one. damn damn damn.
gives a whole new meaning to the term "bedhead"
ok, my brain saw that thought written out and starting thinking up algebraic equations and solving them. everything's been turned upside down, i hated math in high school... something to ground me and remind me that i'm still on earth? math still works (it always works, right?), and science is pretty reasonable, but what's going on in my head? anyone's guess, be my guest.
i am too tired for this shit.
7am comes so early...