what is this... day thirteen?

last night didn't go so well. tried to sleep, couldn't sleep. really trying to not use the sleeping pills. hooked up the wcsb live stream and listened to the the volta sound on eric's radio program, elixir is zog. i even called in while they were playing a couple tracks and setting up the live portion. after a couple recorded songs and a couple live songs, i turned off the stream and listened to nick drake's pink moon until i fell asleep.

you know what, mike was the only one who came to see me -all last week-. thanks, assholes. of course, none of them can relate, or know what this is like and how it's affecting me. less than 100 people in the entire world have ever done this. and if i'm not mistaken (from my research) i'm the youngest person to ever do this study (im 21). they lowered the age requirement right before i inquired about the program. (how's THAT for timing?)

so this is all new ground. the other test subject and i are the first females participating in the study at the cleveland clinic. we're also only test subjects three and four (out of a hoped 24 by the end of the study)


part of my frustration is a lack of understanding on everyone else's part. i can ask ricki or melanie or cavanagh as many questions as i want... they still haven't laid in bed for three months, all they know is their interpretation of what the two previous subjects have told them. -sigh- i'm not ripping on anyone, just simply stating a fact.


i want to curl up and go back to sleep.