Call for Questions!
30 June 2006
So George and I, and Erin too if she wants to add anything to it even though I haven't asked her about it yet, are going to compile a Q&A of sorts about the study and what its like be a part of it. If you have a question, any question at all, about any part of the study, here is your chance to ask it. If you think is it silly, to personal, gross, or anything, feel free to ask anyway. We are going to compile a list of your questions and our responses Stardust Holiday and will keep it updated as time goes on. Obviously, since we have yet to actually "go to bed" some questions can't be answered as of yet, but we will keep you posted on them.
We will do our best to answer as many questions as we can, but we want to hear from you. Are you curious about food, reasons why we are going this, family support, qualifications, seriously ask anything. Look for start of the list coming soon.
Sarah Jessica Ricki?
I had a dream last night about the study, or at least I think it was the study. In reality, well it was a dream so I use that word loosely, it was a weird cross between the study and a new reality show on TLC or something. I was there, so was George, Erin, and a lot other people trying to get into the study. There were all the typical reality show participants there too; the ass, frat boy, and flamboyant gay man, the list could go on.
So there were about 12 of us who pasted the plethora of medical and physiological tests, and we were all left in a large room with bright chairs in a circle. We had to sit there until the big announcement came of who was going to be moved to a room with a bed as a study participant and who just had to go home with nothing. The chairs were like the ones lined up in neat rows in the cafegymatorium, there were orange and blue ones. Basically, it was an elimination game. No one could leave the room, or get off their chair for that matter, until enough people were eliminated. Hours later it’s down to the knitty-gritty, and I have to pee, bad, to the point of tears almost. Everyone else in the room is asleep so I make a run for it. I don’t know why there weren’t any camera crews, or any precautions to ensure no one snuck away, but it’s a dream. A flying pig can become camera phone. So, anyway, I run to the bathroom and I see Ricki coming through the crowd, only she isn’t Ricki, she’s Sarah Jessica Parker. So I run to the bathroom do the thing that we all do there and then I try to beat her back to the room and I’m just about to make it when I get caught, fuck I think, I’m out. This, of course, is the big incident everyone knows is going to happen. It was leaked by some cameraman early in the show, people on line have been talking about it for weeks now, and this is where the show stops for the day. It doesn’t recap until the “live finale” weeks later.
In a big dramatic, and very long and drawn out way, the names of the winners are called with all the fanfare you’d expect. There are tears and fights and all that jazz. Then they call my name.
“Rebecca. Thank you very much for your time in this show. (Then there is a log reality show pause) We ask that as this time you take your things. (Another even longer long pause) And go to your bed.” Now this causes huge fights, I through water on some Goth looking guy who is at least 18 inches taller then me who get pissed off that I’m in and he’s out. Security rushes me away to my bed and so begins the second saga of “Bed Rest”. Up next Trading Spaces, College Dorms.
Now I have no idea how I got in, even though I cheated, but it’s a dream it has no rules, really. That and my alarm went off just as Sarah Jessica Ricki was going to give the explanation to the upset viewers at home over the shows shocking decision.
31 days left...
29 June 2006
Usually, the first thing someone asks me when I tell them about this study I'm doing is, "What are they studying?" And I tell them. The second questions is almost always, "How do you go to the bathroom." And I tell them. The third question I won't mention, but it's usually asked by my male friends, and the answer is "probably not." Once it comes out that I won't be leaving the bed for 21-23 hours a day, they tell me that I'm crazy. It doesn't fail. Everybody tells me that I'm crazy for wanting to do this, and I think they're closed-minded for calling me crazy. There's really nothing special about me that enables me to believe I have all the will-power and stamina that this study will require. It's definitely going to be a challenge. But that's what's attractive to me about the whole thing. I'm going to learn things about myself that I might not be able to learn "in real life." Maybe it will take artificial circumstances to teach me something new. It's going to be a great experience that many people will never get, to take three months out of my life to get to know myself away from everything I normally do.
I have been trying to justify my choice to these people who think I'm crazy, but now it's getting exhausting. I'm too excited and too prepared to let that stuff into my mind.
it's asscrackofdawn thirty, and we're having breakfast and getting out of here. whoo!
i've been needing a roadtrip for the longest time (last time was chicago at new years) and this is by far the longest trip i've ever taken where i'd also be driving.
and of course, mike is busting out the brand new video camera. hijinks will ensue, for sure.
25 June 2006
I was messing around with the blog, trying to find a way to make our names bigger at the end of each post so readers can tell who posted what, I came upon a bunch of comments that had been made by readers. I wasn't aware that I had to approve comments before they could be viewed on the blog, so apologies to those who commented and have not yet seen their comment posted.
sick sick sick
23 June 2006
I was supposed to have my cycle ergometer test this morning at 7:30, but was to sick to go. I felt bad about it too. I had spent the entire night coughing, I lost track of how many times I woke up heaving and looked at the red lights at my alarm clock flashing 1:00 am 2:00 am 3:00 am and so on. The whole time, even though my body was shaking because I was coughing so herd, I would think “I can still make it, I can do it.” Silly Becca. By 6:00 when my alarm went off, my face felt hollow, my entire body hurt like the dickens, and I knew I couldn’t make it. This test was going to be looking at my breathing for goodness sakes; my cold would no doubt skew the results. So, poor Ricki got a call on her cell phone from me bright and early, saying I can’t make it. She was so nice about the whole things it made me feel less bad about having to cancel my appointment.
I went to the doctor and I’m fine actually, just a virus. I have to let it runs its course, take a prescription a few times, rest and drink a lot of fluids. I needs to cut down on my soda intake anyway, otherwise the first week or two of the study are going to be painful.
I’m getting really excited about everything. Well about 90% excited and 10% scared shitless. This is a big fucking commitment that could change my life. I know once I get into bed I’ll be able to do it, some days are going to be hard, but I can do it.
next weekend is the florida/shuttle launch trip, with an added bonus: i get to see my brother! unbeknownst to me, he joined the navy, went through boot camp while i was doing the study, and is now stationed in south carolina. so we're stopping in charleston so i can see my newly enlisted and out of the house (and SIX FOOT TALL) brother.
so, anyone working down at kennedy or going to be down there for the launch, let me know if you want to meet up and chat! :-) (keith, i'm sure you'll be down there too! drop me a line by wednesday!)
right now mike's down in the driveway fixing up the van for the trip, and i'm in the middle of dyeing my hair.... but i won't tell you what color. just yet.
i found that tshirt at a thrift store, brand new! how perfect!
15 June 2006
I'm going to make a real post one of these days, but for now, this is all I have. Have a good day.
Another trip to the clinic
14 June 2006
Becca and I were in today, going over the handbook, which covers what we can and cannot do while in bed. We still haven't found out whether we will be exercising or not. The chance that I will be an exercise subject is 60/40, and the chance that Becca will exercise is 50/50. We're both hoping that we do get to exercise. If I do, I'll be in the best shape of my life. As it stands, I don't eat well and I don't exercise. In the study I'll be on a metabolic diet and, fingers crossed, I'll be exercising. Since the dietary staff will keep me within 3% of my weight at admission to the hospital, fat will turn into muscle and I could come out in great shape.
Becca should start updating soon. Stay tuned...
readjustment (or, post timequake apathy and those affected; or, someday you will be loved)
12 June 2006
somehow i got really bad at returning phone calls. and emails. regular letters. thank you notes. somehow i can't tell if it's tuesday or saturday. i lose weeks like pencils, like buttons (is that how it goes?) i forget my purse in funny places, in cars that aren't mine, in stores and bars and everyone else's home. i'm constantly exhausted and reminded that i'm tired, like today when i didn't get out of bed until almost two because i just needed to sleep. i am always tired and always late for everything, if i manage to go at all.
i'm suffering from what could only be described as "Post Timequake Apathy" (it's vonnegut, you should know this already, and if you don't, go get "timequake") and it's basically goes like this: the universe decided to zap everyone back from 2001 to 1991, and the entire world had no choice but to live the past ten years over again. imagine ten whole years of deja vu. we were still fully conscious of the fact that we were living, we just couldn't do anything different, anything else at all. when free will kicked in, people sprawled in the streets and crashed their cars and forgot how to live. kilgore trout, an unlikely hero, starts waking people up with what later is known as "kilgore's creed" : you were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do.
i got so used to having a schedule handed to me, every day, it was so simple. you simply did things when the nurses came in and said "ok, it's time to..." and that was it. now i don't know what to do with my time, so often i do nothing at all.
i went back to working at the garage, three days a week, where people are really only impressed by the fact that i was on TV. except for brenda, who works in the actual playhouse and instead confided in me that she was an intellectual, but couldn't be one at work. i told her i could relate, and she gave me the name of a book that i should, no, needed to read. (it's saved in a pad of paper i was scribbling furiously in on... sunday.)
i also lost nearly all of my digital artwork that i made while i was in the study. one less accomplishment on my list. yes, the volta sound album artwork is gone too, three months and 12 feet of work, gone.
at this point what's worse, apathy or boredom?
08 June 2006
In the midst of work, in the midst of filling out activity logs for Sarah and food menus for Ricki, I'm preparing to spend 84 days of my life in the horizontal position. I'm really really hoping that I am selected to exercise. If I am, I'll be getting a good workout, eating good meals and preserving my legs. I'll get out of bed in the best shape I've ever been in in my life, probably. If I don't exercise, however, I'll need a little bit of rehab to walk normally again. Even that seems like a small sacrifice. So, I'm okay with either one.
Before I go in, I'll have to move out of my apartment (my lease ends a month into the study), stash all my belongings in either a storage space or my parents' garage, get my finances situated, and who knows what else. I don't know if I've ever been more excited for anything.
7 more weeks...