reflecting pool

hi! it's been awhile, hasn't it? it has in fact, been over a year since i got into bed last february.

and wow, since then, i have (in no particular order)

met astronauts/higher ups in NASA
met with tons of doctors
knit in simulated zero gravity
been suspended 60 times (give or take)
got 30+ full body massages
met a lot of really nice volunteers/nurses/people involved in the study
got tons of internet publicity
been on CNN twice (live!)
gone through physical therapy
had muscle biopsies! ouch!
had MRI's, CT scans, DXA scans, blood tests, balance tests, strength tests, tests of patience
learned how to walk all over again
played amazing rock n roll shows
met awesome rock n rollers
went to a shuttle launch
canoed in the middle of the night to learn about bio - luminescence
bought an imac and an ipod
realized the importance of friends and being a friend
realized most of my "friends" weren't friends
realized when i wasn't being a friend (and tried to change)
performed no less than 5 random acts of kindness
saw/met/hung out with some of my favorite bands
found the joy of listening to albums while doing nothing else
taught myself a lot of knitting techniques
saw jenn for the first time in three years (it was almost like nothing had happened!)
found out my brother was in the navy
found out my mom was in iraq
went to my first "festival" type concert
made beautiful posters
turned 22
discovered and fell in love with new bands
made christmas better than the year before
got 12 years of birth control "installed"
had a way fucking far out new years
joined a union, got a raise and a "promotion"
learned how to play a decent game of poker.



i had no idea what i was really getting into when i got into that bed. but what i got out of it was a heightened self awareness, paired with a complete severing of reality. weird combination. it took me a long time to get back to everyday living, physically and mentally. i got a lot more: understanding of: my sleep habits, my body, all bodies, gravity, my lack of discipline; revelations on love, life, friendship, family, scientific achievements, deep depression, my priorities and the occasional lack of ordering among them.

people still ask me about it and i'm almost embarrassed of how much it takes over conversations when it comes up. if people at the next table or standing a couple feet away hear about it, they say "that was you?! tell me about it" and then it starts all over again.

looking back, i would most definitely do it again, but i'd do it very differently.

1. i would have saved more money before i went into the study. granted, this wasn't really an option for me, as there was little more than a month between the beginning of testing and getting into bed. whew! whirlwind.

2. i would have been far more disciplined in my exercises. when i got out of bed, i HURT. everywhere. for weeks. i would have had a much easier time relearning how to walk if i'd been more diligent with my stretches.

3. i would have followed the sleep schedules a little more closely. although, to be honest, my sleep schedule has always been totally screwed up, so it's hard to fight something i've somewhat come to accept.

4. i would have backed up all of my files. regularly. in multiple places. i lost weeks of work on album/poster artwork (for an album that was never released, but i digress) because i didn't save it regularly, and didn't burn it to a backup disc.

5. i would have been more scientific in my documentation of the study. most of my stuff is day to day babble, how i'm feeling, etc. i should have been more specific on how my body was reacting to the study.

6. i would have stayed off the internet more. jesus christ on a pogo stick, i'm a net junkie. i lost days to shit like stumbleupon or notcot.org.

7. i would have finished more projects. see above. i wasted so damn much time during the study.

8. i would have set more realistic goals. or, rather, been more attentive to the goals i set. when i got out of bed, i felt like i'd wasted three months of my life that i could have used to further myself or at least accomplish SOMETHING.

9. i would have read more books. again, see above. i could have done quite a bit academically in three months of mostly uninterrupted time.

10. i would have requested fewer volunteers. when it started, i was lonely as hell and wanted tons of people to come in and talk to me. by the end of it, i was frustrated because i couldn't get anything finished, because there was so much extra stuff to deal with in my schedule.

11. i would have learned to appreciate my loneliness. being alone does wonders for your powers of reflection, and self-awareness. by the end of the study, if i hadn't had so many distractions, i probably could have gotten a lot farther in my goals. but, to be fair, i met a lot of really nice people through the volunteer program at the cleveland clinic.

12. i would have completed more of the physical therapy afterwards. it was really hard for me to get over to the east side in the days after the study, either not being able to drive a five speed, or the (what felt like an) incredibly long walk to the bus stop. so i used that as an excuse and didn't get a lot done.

13. i would have been smarter with my compensation. i'm not going into specifics, but holy cow, it went fast.


but, as always, there are things that i don't regret as well. by no means would i have changed:

1. how close mike and i got during the study. absence makes the heart grow fonder? absolutely. but i also learned to love my time away from him. if only so i'd get more excited when he came around.

2. the number of things i learned about my body. wow. the body's an incredible machine, and i have first hand evidence. everything from my toes to my bladder, my stomach to my brain, everything worked a little bit differently in the head down tilt position

3. the awesome people i met through the study. from astronauts to volunteers, people were so cool throughout the entire thing.


ok there's a lot more i'm sure, but it's late and i'm tired. if i think of anything else, i'll let you know.

sorry it's been so long!

erin

a little note to the bedridden:

i've been fighting a seriously awful sinus infection fora couple weeks now. you guys don't need it, i promise. i've been miserable and wanting to come in, but... you'll thank me later for NOT coming in. i miss you guys, hope you're doing well, and happy halfway point on monday!

love,
erin

go/no-go?

so far an 80% chance of go today. keep your fingers crossed and have a happy 4th of july!

-siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh-

no-go day one due to a CLOUD. it's not any better now, infact, it's a lot worse today, weather wise. we have to leave TOMORROW, no matter what. mike doesn't want to be driving home on the fourth of july, and he's got to go back to work wednesday.


but our friend Ben came through with some really close viewing passes. he used to live in cleveland, but moved down here to work at KSC.

-sigh- i hope this shuttle goes up today. otherwise, we're going to miss it.

hopefully i can get a hold of my brother too. i didn't get to see him thursday in charleston.

one word: blargh.

[edit: wow, big change of pace. launch was scrubbed for today, and rescheduled for tuesday, but i think we just made a group decision to stay for the launch on tuesday, go to the kennedy space center museums and stuff tomorrow, canoeing in the canal behind ben and colleen's house... sweet! but we won't be home until thursday now, a full week vacation. whew. ]

adventure time!

it's asscrackofdawn thirty, and we're having breakfast and getting out of here. whoo!

i've been needing a roadtrip for the longest time (last time was chicago at new years) and this is by far the longest trip i've ever taken where i'd also be driving.


and of course, mike is busting out the brand new video camera. hijinks will ensue, for sure.

shuttle launch

next weekend is the florida/shuttle launch trip, with an added bonus: i get to see my brother! unbeknownst to me, he joined the navy, went through boot camp while i was doing the study, and is now stationed in south carolina. so we're stopping in charleston so i can see my newly enlisted and out of the house (and SIX FOOT TALL) brother.


so, anyone working down at kennedy or going to be down there for the launch, let me know if you want to meet up and chat! :-) (keith, i'm sure you'll be down there too! drop me a line by wednesday!)

right now mike's down in the driveway fixing up the van for the trip, and i'm in the middle of dyeing my hair.... but i won't tell you what color. just yet.



i found that tshirt at a thrift store, brand new! how perfect!

readjustment (or, post timequake apathy and those affected; or, someday you will be loved)

somehow i got really bad at returning phone calls. and emails. regular letters. thank you notes. somehow i can't tell if it's tuesday or saturday. i lose weeks like pencils, like buttons (is that how it goes?) i forget my purse in funny places, in cars that aren't mine, in stores and bars and everyone else's home. i'm constantly exhausted and reminded that i'm tired, like today when i didn't get out of bed until almost two because i just needed to sleep. i am always tired and always late for everything, if i manage to go at all.

i'm suffering from what could only be described as "Post Timequake Apathy" (it's vonnegut, you should know this already, and if you don't, go get "timequake") and it's basically goes like this: the universe decided to zap everyone back from 2001 to 1991, and the entire world had no choice but to live the past ten years over again. imagine ten whole years of deja vu. we were still fully conscious of the fact that we were living, we just couldn't do anything different, anything else at all. when free will kicked in, people sprawled in the streets and crashed their cars and forgot how to live. kilgore trout, an unlikely hero, starts waking people up with what later is known as "kilgore's creed" : you were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do. i got so used to having a schedule handed to me, every day, it was so simple. you simply did things when the nurses came in and said "ok, it's time to..." and that was it. now i don't know what to do with my time, so often i do nothing at all.

i went back to working at the garage, three days a week, where people are really only impressed by the fact that i was on TV. except for brenda, who works in the actual playhouse and instead confided in me that she was an intellectual, but couldn't be one at work. i told her i could relate, and she gave me the name of a book that i should, no, needed to read. (it's saved in a pad of paper i was scribbling furiously in on... sunday.)


i also lost nearly all of my digital artwork that i made while i was in the study. one less accomplishment on my list. yes, the volta sound album artwork is gone too, three months and 12 feet of work, gone.

at this point what's worse, apathy or boredom?